Lucky Mom
Sep. 1, 2010
R.I.P. Fish
My daughter Julia doesn’t believe it was an accident. It was. I swear.
Though I bitched and whined when my husband brought home the fish and tank, I slowly grew attached to them.
When he gave up caring for them and suggested they be taken to the local pond, I said no, I would feed them, clean their tank to a sparkly shine, ensure they were talked to etc.
I simply added the fish and tank responsibility to my endless list of tasks.
Aug. 24, 2010
Gorgeous Website for Party Favors
I’ve reviewed more websites than I can count; one for my own curiosity and two for my husband who is always asking me to ‘rate’ a website as a ‘layman’.
One website that currently advertises on my site, is Party Favor Boxes. I reviewed this site very closely as I’m always looking for baby or bridal shower favors or even unique, elegant birthday items that don’t break the (ie. my) bank.
Aug. 12, 2010
6 Year Old Boy Attempts Gold Medal Heist
Well, not exactly but it did cause quite the stir. Fortunately it wasn’t premeditated.
Crime scene: Swim meet
Item: Olympic gold medal
Victim: Brendan Hansen
Target Item: Cookies
After my son Alec completed his swim meet today, he was fortunate enough to get to wear Olympic Gold Medalist Brendan Hansen’s very own gold medal while having his picture taken.
Great. Everyone is in line for their turn, Alec gets up for his, I’m all set with the camera and begin to fire off a few shots.
Jul. 21, 2010
Book Review: The Road
Yes, this is a book of fiction. Why I picked it up in the first place is a mystery.
O.k. not really such a mystery as I got it for my husband who wanted it last Christmas.
Though I was traumatized by the Twilight series and thought even good fiction would never again touch my fingers, I gave in and read this book by Cormac McCarthy.
Jul. 13, 2010
Best Diet Tip Ever
I’ve finally discovered the best diet tip!
It’s taken many years to uncover this handy tool in the fight against the bulge.
How I hadn’t thought of this before is beyond me. Nothing ever seems to get me where I want to be.
Until now. I’ve discovered the secret that is sure to be effective.
Its 7 simple steps.
Jul. 7, 2010
Loose Tooth
My 6.8 year old son Alec’s top front tooth became loose somewhere mid April of this year.
Though Alec was a bit concerned about this, we assured him it was exciting and a timely milestone in his lifetime. We figured a few days of wiggling and voila! it would be out, we’d chuck it under his pillow and the T. Fairy would kindly bring a dollar and life would be grand.
Not so, exactly. A week later and it was still there, just jiggling around. I tried to pull it with my bare hands. No dice.
The next few weeks were the same. Couldn’t seem to get the tooth to budge. I even tried a rubberized oven mitt. Then, tweezers. Nothing.
Another week goes by and I’m past bribing Alec to pull it out himself. He swears he’s tried.
So, I ask his multi-black-belt-possessing Martial Arts instructor who can break thick wooden boards with his fingers any day of the week. He couldn’t get it out (though it must have hurt as Alec kind of cried a bit. Fortunately, I could blame someone else).
May. 11, 2010
Senior Citizen Dating
My 71.66 year old mother is dating.
It’s kinda weird. No, its just weird. She’s trying all the options; Match.com, eHarmony, senior speed dating and various other senior dating strategies.
Technology has changed singles way of dating and this includes seniors.
What might have been a wheelchair rally up to the dining table at the old folks home, or church bingo has now expanded into modern, hip and new methods…..the elders log on like the rest of us and check their ‘matches’.
They set up their screen dating names, many times fictitious and check each other out.
My mother came over the other day, logged on and showed me her 'Winks', 'Hello’s', 'You’re cutes' and 'Contact me’s'. It was moderately disturbing as there were men from the late 50’s to late 80’s.
After making some pained facial expressions, I had to remember, this is my mother and yes, she is older than me.
Apr. 14, 2010
Rehab
I broached this subject over three years ago in 'Rehab - The New Investment Opportunity'
I knew there was money to be made on this gig and had I had followed through, I could be rich now.
I’m so pi**ed at myself.
Rehab is a bloody goldmine.
Anything can be an ‘addiction’ now. Rehab is the new confession.
I want to open my own rehab. joint. I just have to come up with some new, ludicrous very essential reasons people can blame an ‘addiction’ on in order to escape it as all the current ridiculous ones are taken.
How about:
Mar. 6, 2010
Procrastination a.k.a. Book Review from Hell - Part II
.......continued from (Procrastination a.k.a. Book Review from Hell - Part I)
After several more months, I still didn’t ‘get it’ and either did my friend who lent it to me. Though she was more than patient, I could easily ascertain her eagerness to reclaim her book. I kept telling her ‘I was almost done’.
Lie. I had barely made a dent in it.
Meanwhile, my head was still swimming in the knowledge that most people I knew who had read this series were so enthralled that they couldn’t put them down until they were done. Most within a week.
What the h*ll was wrong with me? Why wasn’t I reaping the same rewarding feeling?
Feb. 26, 2010
Product Reviews
My husband has me completely conditioned to scour the internet in search of product reviews when making pretty much ANY purchase.
It used to be for 'big ticket' items but after repeatedly hearing "What did the reviews say?" after covertly inquiring into say shoes, a kitchen sponge or some other apparently not so discreet purchase, I gave in and now research everything. (with the exception of drinking and late night on-line furniture purchases when all sensibility goes out the window. Have you seen my enormous round black velvet chair?)
So, in case you're in the market for sunglasses or a camera, maybe I can help.
Feb. 21, 2010
Procrastination a.k.a. Book Review from Hell - Part I
Wow, so what’s been going on the last month? Where have I been?
Or have you noticed the ‘absence’? Actually, a better question is ‘Where has my ‘free time’ gone the last 2+ YEARS?
Well, let me tell you.
It’s gone to a ludicrous waste of my life to the Twilight book series.
I want my life back! In fact, I demand it. Can I get a refund?
Let’s see: 4 books at approx. 2481 total pages x 10 min/page (yes it probably took that on average as I had to keep re-reading pages due to my mind continually wandering off) = 413.5 hours of my time.
That’s 10.33 full-time weeks of work, or several more pounds worked off of my *ss, or additional walls painted in my house. Sigh…
Jan. 21, 2010
Razorsharp Gaydar
For some unknown reason, I’ve always had a keen sense of identifing gays folks. I don’t mean the obvious types but the more obscure, possibly still-in-the-closet types.
Not sure where it came from, maybe hanging out with my gay buddies in Seattle. Or maybe because the night I met my husband we went with a group of friends (both straight and gay) to a ‘gay’ bar. Not sure.
Years ago I worked downtown Seattle with one of my best gay friends Erik. He would periodically test my self-proclaimed expert gay identification skills and was highly impressed.
One day; however, he insisted he meet an on again, off again boyfriend I was sorta seeing.
He had heard about him and was sure he must be gay.
I said no WAY though a bit of fear did come over me on the way to sorta boyfriends office during our lunch break.
Was I wrong? Is that why we really didn’t get along? More importantly, was my perfect gaydar slipping?
Jan. 5, 2010
Industrious
My 3.25 year old daughter is quite the industrious little thing.
We celebrated New Years Eve at a friend’s house, kids included.
Julia had dinner and three small popsicles throughout the evening. I didn’t think too much of it.
Apparently, her stomach did.
Dec. 28, 2009
New Years Resolutions
Alrighty then!
Let’s get to it.
Lucky Mom’s very own New Years resolutions for 2010!
Easy! Fun!
(Hardly)
Dec. 2, 2009
I Had An Affair With Tiger
O.k. not true; he called but I never returned his call.
Here we go again. Another famous, rich, talented person 'apologizing' for his actions. This requires me to climb back up onto my soapbox to complain, bitch and ridicule. So, I'm going to.
The first and most important thing I want to bark about is, why are cheating men so bad at it?
They're such boneheads, they leave voice mail and text messages? Evidence?
Really? Are they hankering to get busted? Do they really believe it won't get out? I'm going to guess a random cocktail waitress probably doesn't make a ton of money.
Why would a talented, seasoned cheater, diddle with a gal that will make more than her annual income if she tells?
Shouldn't they cheat with rich and famous married gals who have just as much to lose?
It's like Peter Cook's shenanigan's with a teenager.
