Lucky Mom

Jun. 25, 2008

WARNINGS

I’m all about child safety. Obviously. Again, obviously.

I can see life threatening potential in pretty much everything which is why I’m still bitter over spending bank on a ‘professional home child proofer’ in Seattle.

I could have taught her a thing or two. Old hag.

Anyway, here’s my distorted overly safety conscious thought process.

Push up a cooler to the deck railing – climbing device sure to entice a toddler to climb.

T.V. remotes – Battery compartment opens easily, swallowing battery hazard.

Desk lamps – what if they tip over – fire hazard.

But I’m still an advocate for common sense and reduced manual size.

For you parents (mostly), how many times have you dragged out the toy manual from the toy box and after the sheer shock of how heavy it is and how much paper was wasted, you quickly find that the majority of it pertains to the absurd nature of the warnings?

It’s like a big red WARNING just screams at you the moment you open the manual. Like you should immediately return the faulty death trap or else.

Does one really need to be warned that placing a toy in an oven might burn it?

Or tossing it into water with the baby in it might not be a savvy idea?

Does one really need to be warned that one should not leave their baby unattended?

Does one really need to be warned to be careful when taking a baby stroller up or down curbs, stairs or escalators?

Does one really need to be warned about going near streets, stairs or swimming pools when a child is riding a ‘ride on’ toy?

Does one really need to be warned that placing hot beverages in a stroller cup holder could result in burns if spilled?

Does one really need to be warned that if you place heavy bags or packages on a highchair tray that it may cause it to tip over?

Apparently.

Car seat manuals are the worst.

And they wonder why people get confused and install them incorrectly.

The majority of the manual consists of warnings v. instructions. Who wants to read 50 pages of mainly moronic warnings?

While reading my current issue of Parents mag, I was drawn to my favorite section - Your Child – health.

I love to hear about child safety laws proposed or even enacted such as putting child-proof caps on poisons, ensuring amusement park rides are safe or laws that prohibit the use or sale of cribs that don’t meet strict standards.

HOWEVER. I was not pleased to see the “I’m a dumbass, lazy parent who thinks it's the furniture’s fault that it landed on my kid who climbed on it and it fell on top of him or her because I didn’t secure it to the wall and/or properly supervise my child so I will promptly sue…someone” piece.

I’m sure some jackass sued the furniture manufacturer and probably the retailer for selling a bookcase WITHOUT a warning that it might tip over.

I don’t mean to be insensitive to the children affected by this as it was clearly not their fault; however, I have to ask, ‘Did your parents really need a warning that heavy sh*t that falls on you might hurt you or worse’?

Or that if you stand on a product that is made for sitting you could fall and oh yeah, possibly be injured?

The ‘funny’ thing about all these warnings clogging up the necessary information of ‘use instruction’ is that they don’t matter. If a dumbass allows their child to be injured by a product, warning or not, they will sue the product manufacture because it must be someone else’s fault other than their own.

‘Maybe’ guilt adds to it but as I am frequently ridiculed for being ‘too protective’, I say ‘no such thing’, ‘it’s my obligation to supervise my children for their safety, period’.

8 Comments Posted (Add Yours)

1

Spoken like a true parent/adjuster. Here's one: WARNING: Drinking a whole bottle of Jim Beam while pregnant could cause birth defects.

2

wow. definitely some good things to know. thanks for sharing! love your blog!

3

Ha! Yes, we have to assume the reason for the ridiculous warnings is that someone acted in such a way at some point, it warranted a printed warning on the label. On the inside of my Vespa seat there is a warning "no pets." Somebody out there needs to be warned not to stuff their pet inside the seat? Scary.

4

I'm a safety nut too. Love this post!

5

A friend from school became very sick once after her father-dumbass let her hang out in his workroom with him while he refinished furniture. Non-ventilated room + several aerosol cans of refinishing chemicals, and - what do you know? - she got sick. It all got into her lungs, and she spent several days in the hospital, I guess while they tried to clear out the goo.

What did the parents do? Sued the chemical company. Why? That's right - no warning on the label. No warning that read "Hey, Dumbass, keep your kid away from this stuff, and definitely DON'T let her inhale twenty cans of it in an enclosed space." I think they got like $50,000 for that. Amazing.

6

"T.V. remotes – Battery compartment opens easily, swallowing battery hazard." Honestly, until just now, I thought I was the only parent alive who thought this! I still put all the remotes "up high" before I go to bed at night. And hey, the older they (boys) get the MORE crap they get into too. My friends with girls (okay, and my entire family) don't friggin' get my paranoia.

What a great blog. I'm subscribing.

7

I just wanted to say I like your site! I was cruising on some different forums when I found your website. After spending some time on your site I've come up with some good ideas for a new website. I just thought I'd let you in on it

8

I don't even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post was good. I do not know who you are but certainly you're going to a famous blogger if you are not already ;) Cheers!

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