Lucky Mom

Jul. 15, 2006

I’m Sorry I’m Not Fat

Oh, o.k. Yes, I’m terribly sorry I’m not fat. What am I supposed to say to those who scream "you’re so small"? I’m at spinning class yesterday and am at the point I can’t hide the fact that I’m pregnant any longer. Everyone has to ask ‘how far along’ you are. Fine.

I’m sorry but the gym I go to does tend to attract some larger folks. NOT MY FAULT, right? Right. Now, most of what I hear is "I was so big when pregnant, everyone kept saying how large I was" and "I was so big they couldn’t believe I wasn’t having twins" - it was so bad/offensive/rude etc.

Uh, o.k. then what do I say when people scream how ‘small’ I am?

"I’m sorry I’m ‘so small’"?

"I’m sorry you weren’t"?

"I’m sorry you still aren’t"?

Is it a compliment where I should thank them? Or, ensure them, that yes, I’m eating and not starving the babe?

I worked out my entire first pregnancy but haven’t this time around as I wasn’t feeling as good for at least 4+months. Now, I’m back feeling great and happy to be hitting the gym for water class, spinning etc.

I literally just have to remain quiet and smile as I don’t know what the F_C_ to say. I'm always a bit suspicious (neuorotic?) when I'm confronted.

You feel like you have to apologize for it. Though I’ll never know what it’s like to be a really skinny person (which I’m cool with) I kinda understand the awkwardness of those who comment to them about it. You’re not sure how to take it but more importantly don’t know how to respond.

Enough for now. I’m going to go eat.

9 Comments Posted (Add Yours)

1

How about saying "thank you"

We all carry our babies differently. I tended to carry very "out front" and was constantly asked if I was carrying more than one. Personally I found it to be humorous!

This posting may offend some....I am sorry to say.

You are blessed to carry small and should not take offense to those gracious enough to complement that fact.

You may be looking at this "issue" in the wrong light.

Instead of taking offense just think of what it would feel like to cary BIG or be a naturally heavier person...not easy either.

Be careful with your words "Lucky Mom"

Blessings~

2

I would just say Thank You! and move on. For some reason everyone feels that it is OK to comment on a pregnant woman's size - whether big or small. But when you are pregnant, you don't want to hear any comments since no matter what size you are, you feel BIG!

3

Anonymous - thank you for your comment. I certainly don't want to offend anyone with this post but am a bit wary (as Melody said) of people commenting either way on size!

Having said that, I'm not going to attempt to to be P.C. when I write posts.

And yes, I feel big too so it's confusing whether it's a compliment or a suspicion/accusation of doing something possibly not good for baby.

4

I'm sure people who comment are just envious that you stay in such great shape throughout your pregnancy. Don't take it as an insult or accusation... just take it as a compliment to looking after yourself and your baby! And enjoy it for cryin' out loud! :)

5

Dont expect the "fat folks" at the gym to be p.c. then either.

6

Anonymous - You're right. And I don't really. I just don't want to be confronted at the gym (as I'm sure the "fat folks" as you say, probably don't either.) I want to sneak in, work out and not have to explain. If it's simply a 'compliment' then I need to say 'thank you'.

Good topic to discuss maybe in a future post. Double standard? If you're small you feel insecure and if you're large you feel insecure.

Is one o.k. and more legit than the other? If you're larger, do you have to say 'thank you' to someone who points out how large you are? How do you know it's not a compliment? I admit it probably isn't in this skinny-obsessed world we live in but I can kind of understand the other side (during pregnancy only) and it is uncomfortable.

Thanks again for commenting. I do like to hear both sides of issues.

7

I had a very similar experience with my last pregnancy. I was carrying very small and had to keep going in for u/s to make sure the baby girl was growing as she should. I got a lot of comments, mostly wondering if I was feeding the baby, did I ever eat, etc... Some people just carry smaller or bigger than others...I just don't think anyone should make a reference to either case. A, "you look great!" comment is fine. A, "how many pounds have you gained and is that enough?" is invasive.

8

Amy - You put it well. "You look great" cannot really be misinterpreted into anything negative.

Feeling as though you're being interrogated is another.

9

I am guilty of commenting on your size at some point or another I am sure. You look great. However, I can relate slightly to the comments. With both pregnancies I gained a ton of weight and felt huge. But enjoyed every day of it in addition to any comments either on how fantastic I looked or how far out my belly stuck. I too found it humurous. I carried way out front and people always commented on how small I looked, especially from behind (thanks, I guess I'm an elephant from the front?). I am a small framed person and as I understand we tend to pack on the weight (I guess my 50 and 60 pound weigth gain is proof to that!). Thankfully, I am blessed with great genes and the weight literally fell off with both babies. (Which I am sure some people comment on "behind my back" as well!)All I can say is everyone carries their babies differently and we all loose and gain weight differently. Just smile and say "Thank you" and be grateful that you aren't as big as a volkswagon bus. As long as the baby is growing correctly and you are healthy that is all that matters. Don't sweat it!