Lucky Mom

Mar. 29, 2006

Don't Cry ME a River Sister!

“I ‘have’ to work”. “I’m SO stressed out and would do anything not to work”. “You’re so lucky you don’t ‘have’ to work”. Excuse me? I couldn't possibly have heard that correctly.

You live in a $900k home with one child, you and your husband drive BRAND NEW LUXURY vehicles and you are trying to convince me that you MUST work outside the home in order to ‘make it’.

How you’d LOVE to stay home with your child but ‘just can’t possibly afford it.’ Who is being fooled here? Not me. It (almost) makes me laugh when I hear this.

Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s really none of my business AND I have nothing against those mommies who chose to work or even truly have to but don’t tell ME you have to when it is PLAINLY clear you don’t. And to top it off, you complain all the time about how ‘stressed out’ you are. How tired, how this, how that.

Why are you telling me this? Why would you come to me with these complaints when you know:

1. I don’t buy it

2. I’m driving '97 wheels with 100k miles when my last ride was a brand spanking new SAAB that I GAVE UP to stay home with my babe

3. I’m not privy to the ‘stressed out’ trend that is so hip in America

I don’t WANT to be that stressed out just to afford additional luxury items. Just my choice and I don’t whine about it.

I’m sorry but I don’t feel your pain. I guess I’m just mean. Sigh…..

14 Comments Posted (Add Yours)

1

Amen to that! I'd go further though and say that I just don't understand why a couple decide to have kids, then let someone else (carers/creche) raise them and only see them on evenings and weekends.

We have neighbours who roll home at 6:30 every evening having just picked their son up and by that time he's eaither sleeping or ready for bed.

I think some people are so caught up in this modern life that they no longer question (or prioritize) what's important.

2

Gerard - I couldn't agree more. If I didn't get a couple of hours of play time with my son each evening, I'd feel like I was missing watching him grow up.

3

Both comments from men too! Love it! Oh, well...one IS my husband of course so he better say that!

I'd love to hear from those who disagree too to get another point of view! Come on!

4

Yeah, I always have wondered about this myself. We (Americans for sure, but it's becoming a worldwide issue) are so involved with the "haves" and the "wants" that we tend to forget about what's really necessary. Are 6,000 sq ft homes and three car garages really necessary? Why does the square footage increase but the family size decrease? My parents had six kids in a modest size home and a one car garage...and we only had ONE car. My mom stayed at home with us and my dad made a very modest living. Imagine. I definitely do not...nor have I ever felt...deprived as a child.

5

Loreley - what's wrong with a three car garage? Where would I put your stuff otherwise?
I'm just kidding (kinda) and I obviously agree with your comments.

Still looking for some dissenters!

6

You hit the nail on the head with this article. We live in a modest house, our cars are 10 years old, and one has 150,000 miles on it.

We rarely buy new gadgets or luxuries and foreign holidays are a thing of the past, but we have a really happy family, and I love looking after my kids, myself (with some help from hubby of course).

Great post, well raised!

7

Dissent? Here you go. While I don't think you should complain if you choose to go the working route, there is something to be said for accumulating the $$$$'s needed to allow our children to attend private schools and to establish college funds. Have you seen the recent statistics regarding how much good schooling is going to cost when our children get to college age? And aside from the cost of the schools themselves, the costs associated with extra curricular activites have sky rocketed since I was in school. God forbid your child be so inclined as to want to get involved in sports or be a (gasp) cheerleader. Bottom line, I think there should be a balance and it is possible to spend quality time with your kids and still work outside of the home.

8

To the last poster:

No one is going to argue with how expensive private schools are and extra curricular activities cost. I have two children who are in private school and involved in soccer and snow skiiing (both girl and boy). I don't know what type of luxury vehicles Lucky mom is referring to (BMW's??) but I would assume even 1 would cost more than any sport my children could ever be involved in.

9

Yep, it's the complaining I have the most trouble with. I complain that I don't drive a sweet ride anymore but then I realize we really can't afford it and I stop.

10

i agree it's the whining part that is the worst. i can understand why someone would want to work outside the home actually, social interaction with adults, a feeling of being your own person again, not just mommy (not that that is a bad thing, but i do feel it from time to time too, and if you think hard you may admit to it too), a little freedom, etc. but when i weigh it against the wonderful experiences i get from my boys there is no question, i stay home with them. i get to see all of their accomplishments, not some caregiver, when he has done something and is excited about it i am right there to say "yeah!" and he is not lost in a crowd of other children needing attention too. my husband works a lot during the week, but (the god that he is) he gets up at 4:30am to go to work so that he can be home at 4:30 to have several hours with the boys! NOW THAT IS COMMITMENT TO THE FAMILY! he gets to play and have dinner and do bath time and bedtime, and not miss much at all. like someonelse said we "decided" to have children so we could love and enjoy them, not hand them off to someonelse to raise and then get them back just in time to put them to bed. i just couldn't imagine doing that, regardless of the benefits of the extra $$$$$$$$$$, the joys of being home are priceless!
and the price of daycare for gods sake! along with gas, lunches, clothing, etc. needed to work you better be making some damn good money to get anything out of it!
i applaude the families that break up their time so mom can get out and work occassionaly, and dad can watch the kids when she is out, that is a situation where everyone can benefit a little. infact dad getting the taste of taking care of the little ones on his own is priceless too !

11

Interesting comments. We are going to start trying for a baby at the end of this year and I will be going straight back to full time work after the 3 months standard maternity leave. My husband and I each work full time and our child will go into full time care 5 days a week. Yes we could manage on one salary but I like working and want to further my career and taking 3 or 4 years off will be a huge barrier to future career progression. Also spending time with a child, in my opinion, is down to the quality not the quantity. Ensuring you select an excellent childcare facility and spend quality time with your child at weekends and evenings is key to making this lifestyle choice work - plus being very organised.

12

I work 3 nights a week and have since my first son was 6 months old and he's now 5. I trade the kdis with my husband who goes to work early and gets home about 4ish. While my husband and I don't overlap hardly at all those 3 nights we both still see the kids a ton. It's worked out great for now. My oldest will start full day school next year so that might make our time short those 3 nights, but once both boys are in full time school I'll probablly work days again. Sometimes I get tired and just don't feel like going to work, but often I'm happy to have a kid break for awhile. I have to admit for me working full time w/ the 2 kids would be a little to much, but the 1/2 time seems perfect for now at least. To be even more honest I have no desire to work full time again ever even when the kids are in full time school so probablly won't. Also though my work is so great at flexibility, sick time (including taking care of sick kids), understanding families and actually caring about their employees that this is a huge reason it works. If I had a "strict" job w/ strict hours and little flexibility I absolutely could not manage. Personally I think people should do what works for them for the most part, which I think is different for everyone. Everyone that knows me knows I have nothing luxurious so that's not even why I work! Part of my thinks I would go absolutely stark raving mad if I stayed home completely, but that theory has yet to be tested..........

13

Hi Alex! Glad you added your comments! It's good to see all sides of a topic from different points of view.

(Though I have to admit, I said your exact words before I had a child and then did a 180!)

I think whatever a mom's choice, it's hers and should be respected whether one agrees or not. My problem comes with the 'whiners' (per my post content).

14

Hey there Kristine-
Don't know what drew me away from work and onto this topic but...
I think your point was made about the "whininess" of the "have to" working moms. I'm truly one of them, if I didn't work, I'd be unable to support myself and our son. I shouldn't complain, I created the situation, right? I don't know what it's like to have enough money and still feel the need to work, but when you don't have it and "have to" work, then it does suck and sometimes I need to complain. However, I would not direct my complaints to a friend who has made good financial decisions and can afford to stay home and take care of her son. Maybe it's important to pick the right people to complain to... ?

Leave a Comment

Please note: If you haven't left a comment here before, you may need to be approved by the site owner before your comment will appear. Until then, it won't appear on the entry. Thanks for waiting.

(Anonymous ok)
(Not Required)
 
 
Notify me when new comments are added.